I’ve been mentored and coached for the past 11 months and the internal changes have been incredibly significant.
I’ve gained a huge amount of insight and developed self-leadership that my parents never were able to give me.
My first 3 months were extremely transformative, sometimes painful. It took me about 3-4 months to really start noticing some exciting changes both in my thinking, my attitude and also the level of self-love I was able to give myself. Just like working on our fitness and our bodies, the changes aren’t immediately visible and even though we change quite quickly, it’s hard to notice it whilst you’re in the midst of it.
My external transformation hasn’t been as I expected or wished for. I came across a lot of resistance in myself, a lot of challenges and doubts. However, internally the changes have been significant, something I couldn't have done by myself. I would’ve given up many times.
What’s extremely useful about having a mentor/coach is that you receive knowledge in the right order. What I mean is that there are incredible podcasts, lectures and videos out there that anyone has access to. However we struggle to absorb the nutrients from these, since we haven’t yet got the wisdom for them. They don’t land. We feel like we are doing something “productive” but it’s purely overconsumption, just like binge eating. It gives us a high, a certain significance like we are moving forward, however for me and many others this can be an easy way to avoid important responsibilities. With a mentor, you receive the relevant knowledge at the right time and he/she will make sure that it all lands well.
I’ve been part of different coaching systems, programs and group programs. None of these have given me the love and attention that Lighthouse has. Something in me just lit up from the very beginning. Now I know it was my conscience. My heart and spirit knew I was given true attention which was hard to grasp and believe at first. Hence why I invested in myself, which back then was the biggest and scariest decision of my life.
I’d say that the most important change for me has been the ability to recognise ways I am not loving myself, and by doing so, open up new doors of self-love. This allowed me to see the world in a very different way, from a new lens. This way I’m able to love others and appreciate them far, far more.
My ability to question my version of the world has improved, and by recognising the narcissistic traits in my personality, I’ve been able to recreate and rewrite my map of the world, which I continue on a daily basis. This has brought me closer to the truth, which includes a lot of pain and suffering. As sad or horrible as that sounds, it allowed me to become the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve realised how much I’ve lied to myself and thought I was a happy person, and even though I’ve lived a stress-free life, I did not want to accept or admit the evil that exists in our world. By coming closer to the truth and reality itself, I feel like I’ve come out of a personal bubble in which I spent the past few years in. I used to live in an isolated, mental bubble that helped me to understand the world how I wanted, which couldn’t have been further from the truth.
It has been a bumpy ride, with lots and lots of challenges. There is no quick fix, or quick solution. Your willingness to suffer and to question yourself will determine the speed of your progress.
It's great to read your experiences Richard! I really value in particular what you shared about mentorship being about getting things 'in the right order', and in this the analogy you used of eating different foods! The world is full of 'information' with this and that podcast / news report/ study or whatever it may be, and I can relate a lot to the feeling that comes with having the support to focus on the right information, at the right time and in the right way!
It was wonderful to read about your journey through being mentored Richard. I related strongly to the experience of not being able to process all the information that is available in terms of books, videos and podcasts. Before I met my mentor, Tom, I read loads of books on self help and starting a business but it was only through being guided carefully and lovingly that I was able to put together the pieces of the puzzle. Being mentored isn't always an easy ride and there will be challenging times. I've found these have been the times that I've grown the most.
It’s great to read your experience and insight to being mentored, sharing so openly Rich. I too know the feeling of wanting to find reality and truth, what comes up is painful and scary but that’s why having a mentor is so key. Because we can be supported in the times that are painful, showing us where to look and revise our maps. I’m glad to hear the progress that you have made and continue to make, thanks Rich.
Thank you Richard for your honest and real reflections on what mentoring at Lighthouse has been able to offer you. There's a really misleading idea that mentoring, therapy or any kind of personal development is supposed to make you feel good - and it does eventually but it's not without doing the work which IS tough and IS painful. Thank you for not shying away from sharing that and primarily from recognising that in yourself. Really awesome
Rich thank you for sharing this man, walking this journey with you feels like a bonding and upbringing for both of us in so many ways. There is a whole world of romanticised "self help" where we can read, feel good, watch the videos and delude ourselves to thinking we're making progress all by ourselves, but it's insane and unreal. The reality is no development has ever happened in isolation. Whether that's tying our shoelaces to learning to eat or getting counselled or mentored to build a life and business. Thank you for your courage, your perseverance and your trust x